sotto voce

Just had a root canal on one of my molars and half of my face is numb. it feels like i have a secret pouch on my left cheek where i store grains and what-nots.

I love my dentist. He’s so metrosexual and funny. While we’re waiting for the novocaine to work, he showed me the pair of shoes he just ordered online and showed me another pair (ladies’ style) that he thought he should buy for his wife. I would’ve thought he’s gay if not for the second part of my previous sentence. As he began to drill on my tooth, he asked if I was alright. I wanted to give a thumbs-up, but my thumb got caught under the bib, and it looked like I had a mini-erection. My dentist said, "Well, at least I know you’re a girl—if not I would’ve thought you’re thinking naughty thoughts". I wanted to laugh so badly but it’s hard to when half of your face is completely numb and your mouth was stretched open with a pair of metal extender.

Another reason why I love him is because he doesn’t make me feel like a sinner. You know how your dentist/hygienist always makes you feel bad for not brushing religiously/ not flossing / eating too much sweets. Well, my current dentist told me that my pathetic teeth are "okay" and that I’m allowed that one rotten molar. 

It’s seriously been a really long time since I visited a dentist (7-8 years ago). Gosh, it’s fucking expensive – even with insurance. I’m spending 1000 bucks for the root canal+filling+crown. And there goes my spending limit for the whole fucking year. So I’ve got to wait 6 months before dealing with all my wisdom teeth that are so freaking wise they all decided to grow sideways.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have more painkillers to take…