sotto voce

I’m getting more and more depressed by the fact that I still haven’t written anything meaningful for my personal statement. Why is it so hard???
Well, let me tell you why it’s hard.

Because I lack direction. Because my resume is all over the place and I don’t know how to convince the admission committee that this will be the last time I switch gears because I’ve finally found my calling.
You know what… I probably can’t promise them that. I don’t know if in five – ten years I realize I don’t want to be an international humanitarian worker and want to work in a farm instead. How am I supposed to know?

All I know is that, I know I want this now. I know I want to stop feeling as if I’m only freeriding in this world and not doing anything. Wislawa Szymborska’s word kept coming back to me: "I’m working on the world, // revised, improved edition,"
But I’m not working on the world.
All I do is sit quietly behind my desk and process sonar data until our clients are satisfied with the reports I churned out as long as it’s precise to the nearest feet.
No, I will not continue doing this work when I know I could be doing much more good out there, saving lives, helping people, for goodness sake – doing something.

I’m ready. I have what it takes to be a leader. I want the knowledge. I want the power and the respect and the responsibility and the opportunity to prove that I can do something good.

Now, how do I put all these in a coherent essay?